My Once Upon a Time...

For all the time that people came over and asked me; "How do I manage to live my life laughing and smiling all the time? How come I never happen to get upset and end up the rest of my day frowning and feeling so blue as they do?

For all the time that you all see me as a happy-go-lucky person, and for all the time that you all tell me how much you wish to be like me, a very blessed, close to perfect person. You must be mistaken, I'm afraid.

Each and every time I begin to look over myself, I find it hard to answer those question you uttered because I am not that someone you thought I was. I am just who I am... an ordinary girl with heart that can also feel both happiness and agony just like yours do. It is sad to accept the truth, simply because truth hurts. but well, if thing is supposed to be this way, I don't think we can possibly turn it otherwise.

Everyday, I can wear this pretending smile to ensure everyone and the whole world that I am hanging on just fine... I don't wanna burden those whom I care a lot for to listen to all my nonsense craps. However, I finally realize... realize that the more I try to suppress these gist irrational sadness and lonesomeness of mine, the bigger and the greater it surfaces. realize... that the harder I wanna escape from it, the more overwhelming and the feeling of being so lost it put me through.


I have a once upon a time that I can never forget. The time that I share everything I feel inside to those whom I love and love me back the same way, but sadly to say, it is just a once upon a time. A fairy tale story book for me to read myself, and see how much my life has changed over time, from that moment upto now, when I am writing this self-pity entry down.

<3...<3...<3...<3...<3...<3...<3...<3...<3...<3...<3...<3...<3...<3...<3...<3...<3

I've been thinking all along that this is my journal, and I am able to write whatever things that pop up on my mind whether it sounds ridiculous or not. At least, it is better than acting as everything is perfectly alright while in fact it is not.

Good nite for now...